So Close

I sit rocking her as I have done everyday since the day we brought her home.  The creak of the chair is so familiar I hear it in my dreams.  I sing the same three songs in the same sequence that I have done for months on end.  Back and forth we rock.  I keep time by patting her diaper.  She lays sprawled on me, wrapped in a warm fleece blanket.  Slowly her eyes flutter and then suddenly are closed.  My singing becomes a hum and the rocking smoother.  It's all so familiar, so routine.  So peaceful.
Yet, something about this night is so different from all the rest.  Suddenly, like lightening striking me, I'm hit with a thought.  I have been doing this for a year.

A YEAR.

My little baby is almost a year.

A shiver runs through me like ice.  How did I let a year slip by so quickly?  How did I know, yet not know, that in just a few days time my beautiful baby girl would no longer be a baby?  I pull her close to me, envelope her in my arms, hoping to cease time for just a bit.  It dawns on me that these are the moments that won't last forever.  Soon she won't need my embrace or my songs to lull her to sleep.  Her needs that are dependent on me are coming to an end.  I wonder, have I cherished these moments as I should?  I have shown her all the love I feel right now?  Though she will never remember these precious moments, will she at least know that I will forever and always be there for her?  That I will love her indefinitely?  These thoughts are ones I've had constantly over the past year, but they have a sense of urgency that they've never had before.  As much as watching her develop, learn, discover, and progress is the greatest privilege I have ever known and as much as I think my heart will explode with all the love I feel for her, I cannot help but choke back tears.  Tears of sadness for what's being left behind and tears for all the years waiting to be discovered.
 

Right Now Wednesday

I Know How Chambermaids Felt

We bought Harper a potty chair a couple of months back.  I kept it in the bathroom for the most part.  Whenever Momma needed to potty, Harper got to sit on her potty.  Eventually I did some research on elimination communication and whatnot, but didn't follow it precisely.  I just decided to let Harper go diaper-free from time to time.  Now that it's getting warmer out, she can go diaper-free without me worrying about messes on the floor in the house.  Yay for nature!

 Yesterday was the first day (evening and nighttime not included because I had class) that she did not go in a diaper.  She went in the potty in the morning (she's an early morning pooper, by the way), I let her play in the raised beds naked until nap time.  When she woke up from her nap she was dry and so I put her on her potty.  Within a couple of minutes she had peed in it.  I let her go diaper free the rest of the day, during which time she pooed again and peed twice in the potty.  I was overjoyed.  Not only because my little baby was using a potty, but also because I didn't have to change a single poopy diaper!  Amazing!

 We're shooting for the same kind of day today.  So far it's worked just as well.  I just put her on there after naps, after nursing or eating/drinking, and when she toots (TMI, anyone?).  She likes sitting on there and seems to know what to do.  She usually goes within a few minutes of sitting on there.  I wait a couple of more minutes until I'm sure she's done and then take her off.  Usually I clap my hands cause she loves that and then we empty the potty seat (hence the reason for the title of this post.  Ahem.)  This just might be the first steps in potty training her.  I'm trying to push it on her, but rather going at a slow pace so she gets used to it and starts to associate "wake up from nap, potty; eat, potty."  Thankfully I have had to stayed home due to school related things so there's no need to leave and we can focus on this instead.

 She looks proud of herself, doesn't she?

Stressed

I like to keep things light, fun, and positive around here.

 So I won't go into details about how I feel ridiculously stressed right now between home (keeping up on it and remodeling a bathroom, which equals money which equals stress) and school (too many things due, not enough time, and classes that aren't being offered next semester, thereby extending how long it will take for me to finish my degree) and the inner turmoil I face trying to keep this family (and our environment) healthy (by researching chemicals, additives, hormones, and other crap this is added to our food, personal and house products, toys, etc.  Suffice it to say I'm overwhelmed!)

 I also won't burden you by saying that I've been feeling so stressed that I cried this morning over pancakes.  Pancakes, people.  I literally felt like a failure because I couldn't get those damn things to cook (either they burned or they took forever) so I had to resort to making Wade an egg and cheese sandwich to take to work instead of making him delicious, maple covered pancakes.  Woe is me, right?!

But I will tell you that I love that little girl more than life itself, that that little baby girl is only 8 DAYS away from being ONE (more stress? yes), and that I wish you all a very non-stressful, beautiful SPRING day to your week!

First 2011 Park Visit!

Yesterday was the perfect day for a park outing.  Harper is still a bit too small for the playground equipment, save for the swings (which is one reason why I have no pictures of her at the playground.  That and I forgot to take my camera there with me) so we mostly walked around.  All Harper wanted to do was play with (or eat) the rocks around the picnic tables, hence why so many pictures are of her there.  She wasn't interested in the water or the geese, which surprised me.  But all in all we had a really good time and she fell asleep in the sling while I walked around.

Notes: First, there is a fence behind Harper in some of the pictures.  This isn't because we live in a high-crime area, but rather because there's a pool on the other side.  Second, I took the picture of her sleeping in her carseat while we were stopped by a train.  I do not condone picture taking while driving.  That is all.

Our Monday In Pictures

A little someone has been a wee bit whiney on this cloudy Monday so we've been taking it easy.  Our day has included, but most certainly not limited to:
: Playing hide and seek/dancing while pulling out every magazine on the rack
: Climbing all the over the couch and dogs
: Reading lots and lots of books
: Taking naps (Harper, not me, unfortunately)
: A first ever organic sucker, much to her delight

Hope your Monday has started off right!

She Takes After Her Father

So Harper has been all about this puzzle lately

 She loves all things animal so this was one of the few Christmas presents we bought her. I've been practicing animal names and sounds with her for a couple of months, but I just thought she might be too young to answer back.  Until last night.  We were playing before bed time with the puzzle and so I asked her, "What sound does a sheep make?"

 and she said, "Baa"

Can you tell from these two pictures she's saying "Baa?" cause otherwise there's no reason for me to have posted them.

 which totally caught me off guard.  So there I was thinking, My child is a genius!  What a brilliant girl!  No one else's child is as gifted as mine!  And I got so confident in her abilities that I emphatically asked her, "What sound does a cow make?" 

 and she said

I'll be getting this look for the next 20 years or so

 "Baa."

Yes, I Found the Pictures!

Somehow our last day's photos ended up in another folder, hiding themselves from me and giving me a heart attack.  Thankfully, I found them yesterday.  Granted, there weren't many and they aren't as good as my previous pictures (and my camera died early unfortunately), but they're still memories I want to be able to look back on.
We spent this day at Animal Kingdom and Harper loved it.  There were great shows, rides, and a safari.  Harper is really into animals so I had no doubt she would have a good time.

11 Months

(Somehow the rest of the Florida pictures I uploaded this morning are missing.  Hopefully I can locate them soon and have Part 2 of our vacation posted!  My apologies!)

Sweet Baby Harper,
   While on vacation in Florida you turned 11 months old.  Actually, we had to "celebrate" this new month on March 1st because February didn't have a 29th day (darn non-leap year!).  But either way, we have moved on to yet another wonderful month in your life.  I believe, though you're not walking unasisted yet, you're pretty much a toddler.  You play games, you play with babies and toys and books, you laugh and giggle, you climb and roll, you bounce and jump, you dance.  You are such a little kid that I find myself just watching you wondering when it all started.  When did I miss the transformation?  You need me (or whoever is watching you at the time) to do less and less for you.  You can feed yourself (using your hands), you can drink from a sippy cup, you can get from place to place yourself.  It's really amazing how independent you are becoming.
   You are starting to know the names for EVERYTHING and are even starting to say what they're called.  This includes (but is not limited to):

*birds

*dogs

*bunnies

*toes

*nose

*clapping

*belly button

*momma milk

*drink

*bites

*up

*down

*done

*diaper

*book

*bear

*bye bye

*hi 

(hi/byebye also come with the appropriate waves)

*baby

*cat

*outside

I'm sure there are many more, but those are the ones off the top of my head.  It's truly amazing how many words you recognize.  Some of them (mostly words that start with B, D, or M) are easy for you to say.  For the rest, you make noises (usually a tuh tuh sound and everyone looks at me and says "What does she want?").  You have also started bringing books to us, sitting on our laps, and waiting for us to read to you.  Talk about a girl after my own heart!

   We're still nursing strong since you're still not really interested in food.  You'll eat bites here and there, but jar food is hit and miss with you.  I'm okay with this.  I wanted to make it to at least a year and it looks like we're going to!

   Since we're still in the midst of winter (spring is so close!) our days are spent in the house playing, reading, singing, cleaning, and occasionally watching one of your movies.  Since you've started to notice every little thing, though, I've been trying to branch out.  So we go to the library either to look at books and play for a bit or for story time (though it seems on story time day you like to sleep in and miss it.  Hmm).  We're still going to music class once a week which is really a lot of fun.  And as much as you love kids, you really don't interact much with them.  You really, really love your teacher.  In fact, you held out your arms and let her hold you last class!  That's not something you do to strangers (thankfully).

    You have started going through your "terrible twos" early, I believe.  You tighten up your hold body and kind of growl when you get frustrated.  Or you try to bite something.  Sometimes you flail your arms.  I have to remind myself that you're still so small and young and have no other way to express how you're feeling.  Hopefully we'll get past this stage unscathed and for the better.  If only you knew that when I say no or take things away (or move you or walk into another room, etc etc) it's for a good reason!

    I don't think I can adequately express how much fun I have with you, let alone how much I love you.  Even when you're being difficult or we're having a bad day, I feel like my heart might erupt with all the love I have for you.  You, my darling, are our everything.  We love you with all of our hearts, forever and always,

Momma and Daddy

Home Again, Home Again

We're finally home!  After a week spent in sunshiney Florida (not to mention a 24-hour period spent with horrible food poisoning the day before we flew back!) we're back to our routines once again.  It was a nice little getaway traipsing around Disney World theme parks and the beach.  A good time was had by all, but we were definitely ready to come home.
Here are just a few of my favorite pictures that I've uploaded so far: