I think daily of the posts I want to publish in this little blog. I can usually get them started in my head, but when I sit down at my laptop to type out my thoughts, they're gone. Usually they're ramblings anyway, but I suppose that doesn't matter. So tonight, I have forced myself to sit down and type out what comes to mind.
I was truly inspired tonight by the most recent post by Sarah (I am inspired by her quite often). The timing of her post was impeccable. I recurrently have the same thoughts and feelings and Harper hasn't been born yet. It is difficult to think of my tiny baby all grown up; mainly because I don't know what she looks like yet. Mostly I wonder how I will feel. I focus on the good and the bad. I wonder not only how my heart will feel when she calls me Mommy for the first time, but also what if she tells me she hates me? How will I handle her going to school (if I'm not able to homeschool her)? Will her looks, tastes, and personality be more like mine or her daddy's? How will I feel when she no longer wants me to hold her? I even worry about how she would do in middle school and high school (which is when I REALLY wonder if she'll take after me, who didn't do anything bad in high school, or her father, who did the complete opposite). I know I shouldn't think about these things because they're far in the future and I can't do anything about them until they happen. Yet my mind wanders there frequently. I also wonder if I'll be a good mom. I've always wanted to be one and until now I've never questioned whether or not I'd be any good. Will I discipline her the right way? Will I set a good example? Will I be able to pass on what knowledge I have when the time calls for it? Will she want come to me for help and advice? Will she look up to me? Will we be friends like my mother and me are? I am scared that we may not have such a good relationship; that she will only think of me as her "mother" and nothing more. I'm not saying I have to be her best friend, but I want to be mommy and her confidante. I want her to be able to come to me about anything and everything without embarrassment, knowing that I will withhold judgment. I hope for so many things for her. I see so many things that are wrong with this world. I am worried about the influences that she will come up against. If things are this bad now (compared to when I was younger), what will they be like in 12, 14, or even 18 years from now? Will I be a good enough parent to inform her of the dangers that loom without scaring her or giving her too much information? I know she must experience life for herself, but there are many things I wish I could shield her from. Will we be able to instill a good set of morals and beliefs in our children to help them become good, helpful, kind, loving, productive people? I try not to worry too much, but do you see where my mind goes?
So now I'm just waiting on her to decide when she wants to officially join this family. We are at 35 weeks today, much longer than we all expected. I have a good feeling about the 16th of this month, but since it seems like Harper already has a mind of her own, she may make me go to 41 or 42 weeks (help me!). I love love love this baby girl so much. I hope she will forever know that!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Little Bits of Happiness
A lot of this pregnancy has been plagued with worry, doubt, and frustration. For the past two months, each day has me thankful that she's still inside, yet fearful of each passing hour.minute.second. Could this trip to the bathroom/fifteen minute shower/walk down the stairs/etc. cause me to go into labor? Will I be one of those women who doesn't know she's in labor? Does that leaking mean my water broke? Every Wednesday marks a new week for Harper and I. And every Wednesday I look online at several different web sites to see what kind of development is taking place. I look up that week's premies. Information overload? Some days, yes. A little over the top? Perhaps. But I suppose that's just how I am. I like to be as informed as possible. I like to be prepared. I do understand that we will never be fully prepared because there's no way to know what would happen were she to come out. I just like to know what others have gone through and what possibly stage of development she might be in. TMI or not.
I've tried to remain as positive as I possibly can. While this isn't always easy and has, on more than one occasion, led to an emotional breakdown by one or both of us, there are some things about this pregnancy that I love and that keep me hopeful. Like seeing her move across my belly (like right now). Even though my ribs feel black and blue, my bladder feels like she's trying to push it out of me, and it doesn't matter how hard I try I will never be comfortable...then BUMP! there's (what I assume to be) a foot! an elbow! her whole backside! Some days it feels and looks like she's completely spread out. I LOVE when there's a little foot pushed up against me and I can rub it until she moves away. It's unbelievable to think that just a few inches separate my hand from her. And then I feel all emotional cause so very very soon I will get to nibble on those little pokey feet.
There's also her hiccups. Little tiny bubbles that POP POP POP for a few minutes at a time. And then Harper gets angry and squirms around cause she really doesn't like hiccuping. But I LOVE them. I know that she's practicing swallowing (YAY!) and it just pushes into my brain just how ridiculously real this all is. My little tiny baby gets hiccups just like other babies on the outside! Crazy I know. How could this not be real, right? Until I hold her for the first time, this all feels quite surreal.
Despite the fears, there is so much to look forward to and many positives to focus on.
I've tried to remain as positive as I possibly can. While this isn't always easy and has, on more than one occasion, led to an emotional breakdown by one or both of us, there are some things about this pregnancy that I love and that keep me hopeful. Like seeing her move across my belly (like right now). Even though my ribs feel black and blue, my bladder feels like she's trying to push it out of me, and it doesn't matter how hard I try I will never be comfortable...then BUMP! there's (what I assume to be) a foot! an elbow! her whole backside! Some days it feels and looks like she's completely spread out. I LOVE when there's a little foot pushed up against me and I can rub it until she moves away. It's unbelievable to think that just a few inches separate my hand from her. And then I feel all emotional cause so very very soon I will get to nibble on those little pokey feet.
There's also her hiccups. Little tiny bubbles that POP POP POP for a few minutes at a time. And then Harper gets angry and squirms around cause she really doesn't like hiccuping. But I LOVE them. I know that she's practicing swallowing (YAY!) and it just pushes into my brain just how ridiculously real this all is. My little tiny baby gets hiccups just like other babies on the outside! Crazy I know. How could this not be real, right? Until I hold her for the first time, this all feels quite surreal.
Despite the fears, there is so much to look forward to and many positives to focus on.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
So I'm Incompetent...well, at least my cervix is...
The past two months have been tumultuous to say the least. My last post was pretty much my last day at work. Since then I've been on bed rest. Lovely, mind numbing bed rest. While I love thinking about Harper all day long, it's the worrying that gets me. We found out back in December that my cervix was shortening and for no apparent reason. Usually this happens to a woman if she's had any kind of procedures done to her cervix. I have not. So, for a couple of weeks I was monitored, usually in Labor and Delivery. After my second trip there they decided it was best that I go on bed rest to keep as much pressure off my cervix as possible; especially since Harper was so low. For about a month I was going in every week to have my cervix measured and each week it got a little smaller. I also began funneling, which is when your cervix starts to open up. Not a good thing when your baby's lungs aren't fully developed (among other frightening things!) I was given steroid shots to help mature her lungs in case she decided to make her appearance into this world. My doctor stopped measure my cervix a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm effacing (meaning my cervix is thinning out in preparation for labor) (I'm about 80% effaced) and I'm dilated about 2 cm. I haven't been having real contractions, just the Braxton Hicks ones. I get a lot of tightening and pressure, along with menstrual like cramps (eek!) pretty much EVERY. DAY. It's just something I have to live with until I deliver. Our goal since we found out my cervix was shortening was to make it to 32 weeks. Thankfully we've made it to that goal. Now we're shooting for 34! I have honestly been pretty scared that she was going to come really early. The thought of her being in the NICU for weeks or months made my stomach turn. I've read so many heart-wrenching stories of parents who have had to endure that. Thankfully, somehow, Harper has managed to stay put. According to pregnology.com:
"By week 32, your baby weighs nearly 4 pounds! The crown-to-rump length of your baby is approximately 11.7 inches and the total length is about 18.9 inches...This week your baby's movements will peak. You should continue to monitor the fetal movements daily and address any concerns with your caregiver. The wrinkles in your baby's face are disappearing and fat is still being deposited throughout the baby's body...As a preparation for breastfeeding, your baby has learned to root for the breast. The baby will turn its head if touched on the cheek and open its mouth if the bottom lip is tickled. By this time the baby can also suck and swallow in a coordinated way."
She's getting fatter and learning how to swallow, which is very important in case she comes early! I LOVE.LOVE.LOVE. this little baby SO MUCH already. I absolutely CANNOT wait to finally hold her. But these last few weeks are very critical, even if she can survive on the outside. Two more weeks til our next goal. Maybe she'll surprise us all and I'll go full-term!
Mommy and Daddy love you so very much baby girl!
My 31 week belly shot. Unfortunately, yes, those are stretch marks. It's okay if they gross you out. I don't like them either.
"By week 32, your baby weighs nearly 4 pounds! The crown-to-rump length of your baby is approximately 11.7 inches and the total length is about 18.9 inches...This week your baby's movements will peak. You should continue to monitor the fetal movements daily and address any concerns with your caregiver. The wrinkles in your baby's face are disappearing and fat is still being deposited throughout the baby's body...As a preparation for breastfeeding, your baby has learned to root for the breast. The baby will turn its head if touched on the cheek and open its mouth if the bottom lip is tickled. By this time the baby can also suck and swallow in a coordinated way."
She's getting fatter and learning how to swallow, which is very important in case she comes early! I LOVE.LOVE.LOVE. this little baby SO MUCH already. I absolutely CANNOT wait to finally hold her. But these last few weeks are very critical, even if she can survive on the outside. Two more weeks til our next goal. Maybe she'll surprise us all and I'll go full-term!
Mommy and Daddy love you so very much baby girl!
My 31 week belly shot. Unfortunately, yes, those are stretch marks. It's okay if they gross you out. I don't like them either.Thursday, December 17, 2009
So This Is Love...
As cliche and over-used as this sounds, I honestly cannot put into words how I feel when I look at these pictures of OUR baby. WE created that beautiful little face! I can see my husband in that face. I can see me in that face. Yet she is her own person. Ah! It is so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I AM CARRYING A CHILD. Just a couple of inches separates my hand from her. I can feel her move inside. I tear up at the thought of her. While she is still a mystery to us, we've been given this wonderful little sneak peak and I have fallen completely and utterly head-over-heels IN LOVE with this teeny, tiny little person all over again. These pictures have solidified everything. Yes, I know we're having a baby. And I can feel her kicks and punches, but actually seeing her, really and truly seeing what she looks like, there's no denying that. And the fact that she looks like both of us AT THE SAME TIME, I'm just in awe. I want to kiss those deliciously chubby cheeks and give her teeny little nose Eskimo kisses and feel her silky baby skin....I'm melting just thinking about it! Dear, sweet baby girl...we love you SO much already! And can't wait to meet you!
As for me, well, I got a bit of new yesterday at the doctor's. Apparently my cervix is measuring a bit short, which could put me at risk for premature labor. Eek! I go back next week for another ultrasound to see if things are staying the same or getting worse. Once we know that, we'll decide what to do next. Until then, I'm supposed to take it easy. But, since baby is 24 weeks, she's at the viability stage so I'm not quite as concerned. I'm still a bit nervous, but I am staying positive no matter what kind of news I get next week.
I also broke out into hives last night (still there today!) and I've been having some light-headedness, heart racing, and headaches. It's draining, but worth it for that sweet little face!
Now, how do I tell her to stay in there baking for a few more weeks?
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
23 weeks
Baby is now 23 weeks old. That means she weighs over a pound and is longer than a foot. Next week is viability week and I am ready to hit that mark.
I feel I've been pretty good as far as not freaking out over every little thing and calling the doctor. I will admit to calling her when I had really, really bad cramps to where I couldn't stand up straight, when I had some spotting, and the day after I fell down the stairs. For most of my other concerns I look them up online, ask the other expectant moms on places like babycenter.com and justmommies.com, and, of course, I ask my own mother.
But I will have to say that I've been freaking out ever since I fell down the stairs. Prior to that traumatic event, Baby would usually kick up a storm after I ate or whenever I would lie down. Now, not so much. She hasn't been kicking me nearly as much since then. I keep telling myself that it really isn't anything to be concerned about. That maybe I'm just that calming or she's that lazy. Or maybe she's just constantly turned around. Granted, every so often I get a nice little jab in my side that makes me jump (literally...sometimes it's like being tickled from the inside), but I was getting so used to the routine of eating and then enjoying her romping around or laying down and feeling her swim. I'm trying to be good and not call the doctor since I have an appointment on Friday. But in all honesty, it's difficult not to pick up the phone. I resist that urge quite often. Every little thing out of the ordinary makes me want to call. Mostly I want reassurance, but secretly I want them to tell me to come in so I can see my little one.
This whole motherhood thing is strange and wonderful and just a wee bit terrifying. Everyday there's something new or something that's changed. This mode of thinking is usually what keeps me from calling the doctor. I have to admit that while I enjoy this unique experience, it would be nice if more pregnancies were similar. If only it were common that at exactly 23 weeks and 2 days you will start to feel your baby move 10-12 times a day. Or at 24 weeks you will be able to see your baby kick from the outside. Maybe that's taking the fun out of it. I do enjoy these little surprises. She's definitely keeping me on the edge of my seat.
Thankfully, as I write this, Baby has put mommy's nerves to rest by kicking me nonstop for the past few minutes. Must have been the cake and punch from upstairs :0) Thanks, Baby Girl!
I feel I've been pretty good as far as not freaking out over every little thing and calling the doctor. I will admit to calling her when I had really, really bad cramps to where I couldn't stand up straight, when I had some spotting, and the day after I fell down the stairs. For most of my other concerns I look them up online, ask the other expectant moms on places like babycenter.com and justmommies.com, and, of course, I ask my own mother.
But I will have to say that I've been freaking out ever since I fell down the stairs. Prior to that traumatic event, Baby would usually kick up a storm after I ate or whenever I would lie down. Now, not so much. She hasn't been kicking me nearly as much since then. I keep telling myself that it really isn't anything to be concerned about. That maybe I'm just that calming or she's that lazy. Or maybe she's just constantly turned around. Granted, every so often I get a nice little jab in my side that makes me jump (literally...sometimes it's like being tickled from the inside), but I was getting so used to the routine of eating and then enjoying her romping around or laying down and feeling her swim. I'm trying to be good and not call the doctor since I have an appointment on Friday. But in all honesty, it's difficult not to pick up the phone. I resist that urge quite often. Every little thing out of the ordinary makes me want to call. Mostly I want reassurance, but secretly I want them to tell me to come in so I can see my little one.
This whole motherhood thing is strange and wonderful and just a wee bit terrifying. Everyday there's something new or something that's changed. This mode of thinking is usually what keeps me from calling the doctor. I have to admit that while I enjoy this unique experience, it would be nice if more pregnancies were similar. If only it were common that at exactly 23 weeks and 2 days you will start to feel your baby move 10-12 times a day. Or at 24 weeks you will be able to see your baby kick from the outside. Maybe that's taking the fun out of it. I do enjoy these little surprises. She's definitely keeping me on the edge of my seat.
Thankfully, as I write this, Baby has put mommy's nerves to rest by kicking me nonstop for the past few minutes. Must have been the cake and punch from upstairs :0) Thanks, Baby Girl!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Things they forgot to tell you in health class...
(Yes, this blog has been neglected for quite some time. I was VERY sick until about week 16, had no energy until about week 20, and am just now starting to catch up on everything. Week 23 officially starts for me tomorrow. We found out last month that we're expecting a baby girl, she's measuring about 4 days ahead, and she thinks mommy is a punching bag.)
So, I love love love the fact that I'm incubating this little baby. I love the fact that WE created her, I'm sustaining her life, and she's our daughter. I love that the love of my life and I have been given this chance to start our own little family. I have NEVER. EVER. been this ridiculously happy in all of my life.
BUT...
There are some things "they" conveniently edited out of health books and everyone else forgot to clue me in on. I'll just run through them in case there's some innocent, naive, first-time pregnant woman out there who's looking for some guidance/reassurance/advice:
- Morning Sickness: As many women quickly find out, the term "morning sickness" is misleading. Vomiting, queasiness, dizziness, etc. are not restricted to the morning hours only. Oh no. It can strike at any time. And WITHOUT warning. Usually when I am going to throw up I get hot, my vision gets blurry, and I cannot imagine rushing off to the toilet or trash can. Now, a few times I'd get light-headed right before actually puking, but usually I had no warning. Which meant getting sick could happen at any time/place. And that thing about sickness ending when your second trimester starts??? Not always the case. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I was still throwing up a couple weeks ago and I still have days where I feel ill. But for the most part, the worst was over by about week 16.
- Heartburn/Acid Reflux: I think prior to being pregnant I had heartburn twice and acid reflux never. During my first trimester I got heartburn all the time which would make me feel like I needed to throw up, which in turn only aggravated the heartburn more. Now in the second trimester I have acid reflux almost daily, usually at night. I've read that laying on your left side helps to reduce these two things (supposed to help improve circulation to your heart), but this rarely if ever seems to help me and makes sleeping difficult.
- Pregnant Sex: I really had no desire for sex for quite some time. Between puking several times a day, feeling like I was going to puke, resisting the urge to puke, going home after fighting this all day at work to IMMEDIATELY get in bed to keep the urges at bay and being very EXHAUSTED (if you've ever had mono you know what's it's like to sleep a lot and want to go back to sleep as soon as you wake up and never.ever.never feel rested), I VERY RARELY IF EVER wanted to have sex. Honestly, there were a couple of good days during this time. But I was more worried about getting up and moving around or using my energy to find something that I could actually eat than pouncing my husband. My drive went up quite a bit after the sickness disappeared. It's funny how much you can miss feeling semi-normal (I have yet to feel like my old self, seeing as how I now have a pound and a half, foot-long child poking me in weird places...more on that though...). Now sex is just...uncomfortable. I'm not that big and Baby is often hiding towards the back, which makes me just look like I've gained a few pounds, but it's still not the same. Sex is just as intimate, I love it, it's just different. It's definitely trial-and-error and, I'm assuming, will be from here on out. I can only get bigger which will REALLY make things interesting.
- Getting Kicked In the Ho-ha: Yea, I get it. There's a very small child tossing around inside me. It's really not something you can EVER imagine feeling. It is incredible, nay, indescribable. Especially when you can feel yourself getting kicked/punched in the va jay jay or rectum. Not something you thought about, huh? Me neither. But, logically, yes I should have assumed this would happen. And, so far, I haven't exactly gotten used to this. I talked to another woman online about this and she said her son used to scratch her, like he was trying to get out. Um. Ouch? Please let me not experience that one.
- Gotta Go! GOTTA GO!: I used to be on Detrol cause I had bladder issues. Like having to go 15 times a day. Long car rides have never been my friend. It's been manageable the past 5 years or so, at least enough for me to go off the medicine. BUT OH MY GAWD. That urgency is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING like this. One swift kick from my darling little one and running to the bathroom is like getting to the finish line in a marathon. Pants without buttons or zippers are my choice of attire. And while I haven't exactly peed my pants yet...I've been THIS.CLOSE after sneezing or being kicked or just not getting to the bathroom in time. "They" tell you to drink more water. Psssh! This is ludicrous to me. I would live on the toilet if I tried to drink what "they" recommend. Since becoming pregnant I have become very intimate with the bathroom at work and home. I know to leave a little bit of toilet paper hanging down from the roll at work or else it takes a magician for it to ever come back around. And I leave the top part of the toilet seat up at home at night for fear of peeing on it.
- Cramps and Other Weirdness: Yep. Did you hate those period cramps? Well, you may not get rid of them! In fact, there's a little something called round ligament pain that feels like your insides are trying to become your outsides. Remember growing pains? Remember how much they hurt? Yes? These are worse. I thought something was wrong. I couldn't stand up straight and my back was in considerable pain. Went to the doctor. No infections. No contractions. My hips were stretching and my organs were shifting. Yeeeea. Talk about some pain. But totally normal.
- Weird Dreams: Very, very weird dreams. Some times it's people chasing after me, my mom driving a semi-truck to Vermont, and other ones I can't remember (or blocked out of my memory cause they were so messed up). But a lot of my dreams are of my husband having an affair. Say what you want, psychoanalysts. I know he's the father of my baby and NO I don't think he's going to leave me or is currently cheating on me. I feel secure in his love for me and our child. Maybe my subconscious isn't on board, but don't go too deep on this one. Mostly I'm just annoyed with these dreams cause I wake up feeling so sad and dejected and that is not the way to start the day.
- Oddities: Headaches, bleeding gums EVERYTIME you brush your teeth, really hard boobs, extra hair on your stomach, weird taste in your mouth that doesn't go away, forgetting things ALL THE TIME, ungracefully falling/tripping/knocking things over/running into things, EXCESS (and I do mean EXCESS) discharge (that doesn't smell cause if it did, that would be a different story), crying over EVERY commercial even though they're not sad, heart racing faster and/or skipping beats, bloody nose EVERY DAY, craving sugar like it's going out of style, veins that show up everywhere, leg hair that grows so slow (but that's a good thing!)...
A couple of other things that aren't really "complaints" per se, but just ones I thought I'd mention.
- Belly Sleeping: I honestly cannot fall asleep without being on my stomach. Eventually I will not be able to do this. So, I sleep with a pillow or two under my head and another one under a bent leg. This keeps pressure off of my stomach and is almost like sleeping on my side, but still close enough to being on my belly that I can try to sleep (sleep that is disrupted by those WEIRD dreams, peeing several times, readjusting to get comfortable, dogs that need out at 4 am)
- Falling: down the stairs...while it hurts like a mother trucker, can leave your left ass cheek with a 10 inch bruise with colors you've never seen and the rest of your body crying out in pain (broken or bruised rib, tailbone, calves, neck...as if the round ligament pain wasn't enough), there's not too much to be concerned with (unless you've fallen on your stomach or broken a bone or twisted something, etc.) I knew it probably wasn't a big deal, but when I hadn't felt the baby move for about12 hours, I started to freak. Doctor was out of the office so I got sent to Labor and Delivery where they hooked me up to a monitor for over an hour. The baby was moving so much the nurse had to keep moving the monitor. Chances are, your baby is just fine. Even though you're freaking out, it's okay. And always call the doctor for reassurance. But your little babe is safe and snug inside you. I'm assuming my fall and subsequent cursing/screaming scared my little one to the back and that's why I couldn't feel her. But she's perfectly okay and mommy is still in the process of healing. Reminder: wipe off your shoes if you're coming inside from the pouring rain and don't go down the stairs with BOTH hands full.
So, I love love love the fact that I'm incubating this little baby. I love the fact that WE created her, I'm sustaining her life, and she's our daughter. I love that the love of my life and I have been given this chance to start our own little family. I have NEVER. EVER. been this ridiculously happy in all of my life.
BUT...
There are some things "they" conveniently edited out of health books and everyone else forgot to clue me in on. I'll just run through them in case there's some innocent, naive, first-time pregnant woman out there who's looking for some guidance/reassurance/advice:
- Morning Sickness: As many women quickly find out, the term "morning sickness" is misleading. Vomiting, queasiness, dizziness, etc. are not restricted to the morning hours only. Oh no. It can strike at any time. And WITHOUT warning. Usually when I am going to throw up I get hot, my vision gets blurry, and I cannot imagine rushing off to the toilet or trash can. Now, a few times I'd get light-headed right before actually puking, but usually I had no warning. Which meant getting sick could happen at any time/place. And that thing about sickness ending when your second trimester starts??? Not always the case. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I was still throwing up a couple weeks ago and I still have days where I feel ill. But for the most part, the worst was over by about week 16.
- Heartburn/Acid Reflux: I think prior to being pregnant I had heartburn twice and acid reflux never. During my first trimester I got heartburn all the time which would make me feel like I needed to throw up, which in turn only aggravated the heartburn more. Now in the second trimester I have acid reflux almost daily, usually at night. I've read that laying on your left side helps to reduce these two things (supposed to help improve circulation to your heart), but this rarely if ever seems to help me and makes sleeping difficult.
- Pregnant Sex: I really had no desire for sex for quite some time. Between puking several times a day, feeling like I was going to puke, resisting the urge to puke, going home after fighting this all day at work to IMMEDIATELY get in bed to keep the urges at bay and being very EXHAUSTED (if you've ever had mono you know what's it's like to sleep a lot and want to go back to sleep as soon as you wake up and never.ever.never feel rested), I VERY RARELY IF EVER wanted to have sex. Honestly, there were a couple of good days during this time. But I was more worried about getting up and moving around or using my energy to find something that I could actually eat than pouncing my husband. My drive went up quite a bit after the sickness disappeared. It's funny how much you can miss feeling semi-normal (I have yet to feel like my old self, seeing as how I now have a pound and a half, foot-long child poking me in weird places...more on that though...). Now sex is just...uncomfortable. I'm not that big and Baby is often hiding towards the back, which makes me just look like I've gained a few pounds, but it's still not the same. Sex is just as intimate, I love it, it's just different. It's definitely trial-and-error and, I'm assuming, will be from here on out. I can only get bigger which will REALLY make things interesting.
- Getting Kicked In the Ho-ha: Yea, I get it. There's a very small child tossing around inside me. It's really not something you can EVER imagine feeling. It is incredible, nay, indescribable. Especially when you can feel yourself getting kicked/punched in the va jay jay or rectum. Not something you thought about, huh? Me neither. But, logically, yes I should have assumed this would happen. And, so far, I haven't exactly gotten used to this. I talked to another woman online about this and she said her son used to scratch her, like he was trying to get out. Um. Ouch? Please let me not experience that one.
- Gotta Go! GOTTA GO!: I used to be on Detrol cause I had bladder issues. Like having to go 15 times a day. Long car rides have never been my friend. It's been manageable the past 5 years or so, at least enough for me to go off the medicine. BUT OH MY GAWD. That urgency is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING like this. One swift kick from my darling little one and running to the bathroom is like getting to the finish line in a marathon. Pants without buttons or zippers are my choice of attire. And while I haven't exactly peed my pants yet...I've been THIS.CLOSE after sneezing or being kicked or just not getting to the bathroom in time. "They" tell you to drink more water. Psssh! This is ludicrous to me. I would live on the toilet if I tried to drink what "they" recommend. Since becoming pregnant I have become very intimate with the bathroom at work and home. I know to leave a little bit of toilet paper hanging down from the roll at work or else it takes a magician for it to ever come back around. And I leave the top part of the toilet seat up at home at night for fear of peeing on it.
- Cramps and Other Weirdness: Yep. Did you hate those period cramps? Well, you may not get rid of them! In fact, there's a little something called round ligament pain that feels like your insides are trying to become your outsides. Remember growing pains? Remember how much they hurt? Yes? These are worse. I thought something was wrong. I couldn't stand up straight and my back was in considerable pain. Went to the doctor. No infections. No contractions. My hips were stretching and my organs were shifting. Yeeeea. Talk about some pain. But totally normal.
- Weird Dreams: Very, very weird dreams. Some times it's people chasing after me, my mom driving a semi-truck to Vermont, and other ones I can't remember (or blocked out of my memory cause they were so messed up). But a lot of my dreams are of my husband having an affair. Say what you want, psychoanalysts. I know he's the father of my baby and NO I don't think he's going to leave me or is currently cheating on me. I feel secure in his love for me and our child. Maybe my subconscious isn't on board, but don't go too deep on this one. Mostly I'm just annoyed with these dreams cause I wake up feeling so sad and dejected and that is not the way to start the day.
- Oddities: Headaches, bleeding gums EVERYTIME you brush your teeth, really hard boobs, extra hair on your stomach, weird taste in your mouth that doesn't go away, forgetting things ALL THE TIME, ungracefully falling/tripping/knocking things over/running into things, EXCESS (and I do mean EXCESS) discharge (that doesn't smell cause if it did, that would be a different story), crying over EVERY commercial even though they're not sad, heart racing faster and/or skipping beats, bloody nose EVERY DAY, craving sugar like it's going out of style, veins that show up everywhere, leg hair that grows so slow (but that's a good thing!)...
A couple of other things that aren't really "complaints" per se, but just ones I thought I'd mention.
- Belly Sleeping: I honestly cannot fall asleep without being on my stomach. Eventually I will not be able to do this. So, I sleep with a pillow or two under my head and another one under a bent leg. This keeps pressure off of my stomach and is almost like sleeping on my side, but still close enough to being on my belly that I can try to sleep (sleep that is disrupted by those WEIRD dreams, peeing several times, readjusting to get comfortable, dogs that need out at 4 am)
- Falling: down the stairs...while it hurts like a mother trucker, can leave your left ass cheek with a 10 inch bruise with colors you've never seen and the rest of your body crying out in pain (broken or bruised rib, tailbone, calves, neck...as if the round ligament pain wasn't enough), there's not too much to be concerned with (unless you've fallen on your stomach or broken a bone or twisted something, etc.) I knew it probably wasn't a big deal, but when I hadn't felt the baby move for about12 hours, I started to freak. Doctor was out of the office so I got sent to Labor and Delivery where they hooked me up to a monitor for over an hour. The baby was moving so much the nurse had to keep moving the monitor. Chances are, your baby is just fine. Even though you're freaking out, it's okay. And always call the doctor for reassurance. But your little babe is safe and snug inside you. I'm assuming my fall and subsequent cursing/screaming scared my little one to the back and that's why I couldn't feel her. But she's perfectly okay and mommy is still in the process of healing. Reminder: wipe off your shoes if you're coming inside from the pouring rain and don't go down the stairs with BOTH hands full.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
6 Weeks...
I believe my morning sickness is starting. For about the first 5 hours of my day I feel on the brink of getting very sick. Actually, it's kind of like being hungover, honestly! Yesterday was the worst. I couldn't eat anything and was in bed by 8.45 clutching my pillow and willing myself not to throw up. I just want to lay down all the time. I'm sitting at work now and I can feel myself getting sick. I am fairly certain my prenatals are aggravating my sickness, too, even though I take them at night. I eat crackers before I even get out of bed and then I go eat some breakfast (as much as I can). I was so hoping I wouldn't get sick like my mom did, but I don't think I'll be that lucky!
There's nothing much other than that right now. I wake up feeling sick, go to work and feel sick pretty much all day, come home and go to bed soon after I walk through the door. If I've got 7 more weeks of this, I might lose my mind :( The one positive is at least I know the baby is growing. And I will be able to use this as blackmail when the kid gets older.
Your Baby
This week starts a period of rapid cellular development for your baby-to-be, who looks like a mini tadpole, with a tiny head and tail. His or her eyes, ears and mouth have begun to form (though they're a little more Discovery Channel "creatures of the sea" documentary than Gerber Baby at this point).
Other exciting milestones include:
Your baby's heart is now beating to a regular beat, although it's still too faint to hear.
His or her arm buds are just beginning to, well, bud. They look like teensy swollen bumps at this point. In a few days, they'll resemble itsy-bitsy flippers.
Your baby has grown to ⅛ inch long—about the size of one of the chocolate sprinkles on your last cupcake (and your last ice cream cone, and your last sundae and your last giant cookie ... maybe there is something to those rumors about pregnancy cravings!).
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