What Could Be Better...

...than having this sweet baby girl give you THIS big grin????


Oh. That's right........NOTHING.

7 Weeks

Sweet Baby Harper,
Today starts your seventh week in this world and in our lives. These truly have been the best weeks of my life. What was my life like before you? I can't remember!

We have had a very sweet, quiet day celebrating this milestone - staying in bed sleeping until 11:00 (thank you for that, by the way!), a nap for you while momma cleaned, banked, and we got some groceries (you slept the entire time!), and when we got home we had an impromptu dance session while we put away the food. You have since fallen quietly asleep in my arms, smiling up a storm (what are you dreaming of, my love, that makes you so happy?). In these moments I don't know how I could possibly love you more. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I hope you will always know that.

Momma and daddy love you more than we can possibly say!

And now for some cuddling on the couch so I can soak up all of you...xoxoxoxoxo

My Happy Grinch Heart

There's a scene in The Grinch where he hears the Whos singing joyfully even after he's snatched up all their gifts and he realizes what the true spirit of Christmas really is. And at that moment his heart grows so much it breaks the gold measuring tool.

That is how my heart felt last night.

After a busy day of getting a bath, lunch with Gramie, and a visit to Aunt D's, Harper was pretty spent. We napped together in the afternoon, visited the grandparents next door where we took a walk and she quickly fell asleep (this little girl LOVES her some nature. It's ridiculously sweet). We got back to our home around 10:30 and I put her in her swing to help her sleep some more. She lasted about 5 minutes in there and I thought to myself, Oh no it's going to be a long night! I picked her up, cradled her on my lap in my arms so she looked like a Buddha Baby and, believe it or not, she was perfectly content. I knew I was pressing my luck, but after a few minutes of sitting like this I decided to lay down on the couch with her on my chest. Slowly I slid down and I started giving her a little baby massage on her back. And she went out like a light. I couldn't believe it! No fuss. No cries. No wimpers.

And my heart grew in that moment.

These are the quiet, sweet memories I hope to cherish forever.This sweet baby girl has stolen my heart.

Catching Up

Six weeks have passed since I gave birth to Harper. These have been THE.BEST. weeks of my life. This whole mommy thing? Yea, I was meant to do this! This is the greatest and most rewarding job I could ever hope to have. This is little baby girl has changed me and my life in so many wonderful and interesting ways. My heart has grown tremendously. It's so true that you never knew you could love someone so much. I thought that I could never love someone as much as I love Wade and I still love him an awful lot, but this is completely different and all-encompassing. I could sit holding and staring at her all day and NEVER get bored. The hours fly by now as it is.
Granted, these past weeks haven't been all butterflies and unicorns. There has been a whole lot of adjustment. She's been having colic episodes at night - usually between 8 and 11 pm. There's not much else to console her besides swaddling, rocking, bouncing, and occasionally her pacifier. She gets frequent belly aches so there are the random crying fits during the day, but those don't last as long. Other than that, she's a very happy baby. She's starting to smile and coo which just completely melts my heart.
Breastfeeding has gone wonderfully. The only problems I've encountered are occasional engorgement and twice she has completely drained me (and was still hungry!) Harper is a complete natural when it comes to latching on. She has been since Day 1, which I am grateful for. I had heard and read so many horror stories when I was pregnant that I was pretty scared out of my mind. But we're still going strong (and exclusively!) after 6 weeks. My goal is six months, but my dream is to make it to a year. Nursing times are some of my favorite times.
Harper did have to spend a week in the NICU after she was born. I delievered her so quickly (about a half hour of pushing - I was in labor in the hospital for 5 hours) that she took a big gulp on the way out and developed pneumonia. The second and third pictures are of her while she was in there.

That Crazy Pregnant Lady

I think daily of the posts I want to publish in this little blog. I can usually get them started in my head, but when I sit down at my laptop to type out my thoughts, they're gone. Usually they're ramblings anyway, but I suppose that doesn't matter. So tonight, I have forced myself to sit down and type out what comes to mind.

I was truly inspired tonight by the most recent post by Sarah (I am inspired by her quite often). The timing of her post was impeccable. I recurrently have the same thoughts and feelings and Harper hasn't been born yet. It is difficult to think of my tiny baby all grown up; mainly because I don't know what she looks like yet. Mostly I wonder how I will feel. I focus on the good and the bad. I wonder not only how my heart will feel when she calls me Mommy for the first time, but also what if she tells me she hates me? How will I handle her going to school (if I'm not able to homeschool her)? Will her looks, tastes, and personality be more like mine or her daddy's? How will I feel when she no longer wants me to hold her? I even worry about how she would do in middle school and high school (which is when I REALLY wonder if she'll take after me, who didn't do anything bad in high school, or her father, who did the complete opposite). I know I shouldn't think about these things because they're far in the future and I can't do anything about them until they happen. Yet my mind wanders there frequently. I also wonder if I'll be a good mom. I've always wanted to be one and until now I've never questioned whether or not I'd be any good. Will I discipline her the right way? Will I set a good example? Will I be able to pass on what knowledge I have when the time calls for it? Will she want come to me for help and advice? Will she look up to me? Will we be friends like my mother and me are? I am scared that we may not have such a good relationship; that she will only think of me as her "mother" and nothing more. I'm not saying I have to be her best friend, but I want to be mommy and her confidante. I want her to be able to come to me about anything and everything without embarrassment, knowing that I will withhold judgment. I hope for so many things for her. I see so many things that are wrong with this world. I am worried about the influences that she will come up against. If things are this bad now (compared to when I was younger), what will they be like in 12, 14, or even 18 years from now? Will I be a good enough parent to inform her of the dangers that loom without scaring her or giving her too much information? I know she must experience life for herself, but there are many things I wish I could shield her from. Will we be able to instill a good set of morals and beliefs in our children to help them become good, helpful, kind, loving, productive people? I try not to worry too much, but do you see where my mind goes?
So now I'm just waiting on her to decide when she wants to officially join this family. We are at 35 weeks today, much longer than we all expected. I have a good feeling about the 16th of this month, but since it seems like Harper already has a mind of her own, she may make me go to 41 or 42 weeks (help me!). I love love love this baby girl so much. I hope she will forever know that!

Little Bits of Happiness

A lot of this pregnancy has been plagued with worry, doubt, and frustration. For the past two months, each day has me thankful that she's still inside, yet fearful of each passing hour.minute.second. Could this trip to the bathroom/fifteen minute shower/walk down the stairs/etc. cause me to go into labor? Will I be one of those women who doesn't know she's in labor? Does that leaking mean my water broke? Every Wednesday marks a new week for Harper and I. And every Wednesday I look online at several different web sites to see what kind of development is taking place. I look up that week's premies. Information overload? Some days, yes. A little over the top? Perhaps. But I suppose that's just how I am. I like to be as informed as possible. I like to be prepared. I do understand that we will never be fully prepared because there's no way to know what would happen were she to come out. I just like to know what others have gone through and what possibly stage of development she might be in. TMI or not.

I've tried to remain as positive as I possibly can. While this isn't always easy and has, on more than one occasion, led to an emotional breakdown by one or both of us, there are some things about this pregnancy that I love and that keep me hopeful. Like seeing her move across my belly (like right now). Even though my ribs feel black and blue, my bladder feels like she's trying to push it out of me, and it doesn't matter how hard I try I will never be comfortable...then BUMP! there's (what I assume to be) a foot! an elbow! her whole backside! Some days it feels and looks like she's completely spread out. I LOVE when there's a little foot pushed up against me and I can rub it until she moves away. It's unbelievable to think that just a few inches separate my hand from her. And then I feel all emotional cause so very very soon I will get to nibble on those little pokey feet.
There's also her hiccups. Little tiny bubbles that POP POP POP for a few minutes at a time. And then Harper gets angry and squirms around cause she really doesn't like hiccuping. But I LOVE them. I know that she's practicing swallowing (YAY!) and it just pushes into my brain just how ridiculously real this all is. My little tiny baby gets hiccups just like other babies on the outside! Crazy I know. How could this not be real, right? Until I hold her for the first time, this all feels quite surreal.
Despite the fears, there is so much to look forward to and many positives to focus on.

So I'm Incompetent...well, at least my cervix is...

The past two months have been tumultuous to say the least. My last post was pretty much my last day at work. Since then I've been on bed rest. Lovely, mind numbing bed rest. While I love thinking about Harper all day long, it's the worrying that gets me. We found out back in December that my cervix was shortening and for no apparent reason. Usually this happens to a woman if she's had any kind of procedures done to her cervix. I have not. So, for a couple of weeks I was monitored, usually in Labor and Delivery. After my second trip there they decided it was best that I go on bed rest to keep as much pressure off my cervix as possible; especially since Harper was so low. For about a month I was going in every week to have my cervix measured and each week it got a little smaller. I also began funneling, which is when your cervix starts to open up. Not a good thing when your baby's lungs aren't fully developed (among other frightening things!) I was given steroid shots to help mature her lungs in case she decided to make her appearance into this world. My doctor stopped measure my cervix a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm effacing (meaning my cervix is thinning out in preparation for labor) (I'm about 80% effaced) and I'm dilated about 2 cm. I haven't been having real contractions, just the Braxton Hicks ones. I get a lot of tightening and pressure, along with menstrual like cramps (eek!) pretty much EVERY. DAY. It's just something I have to live with until I deliver. Our goal since we found out my cervix was shortening was to make it to 32 weeks. Thankfully we've made it to that goal. Now we're shooting for 34! I have honestly been pretty scared that she was going to come really early. The thought of her being in the NICU for weeks or months made my stomach turn. I've read so many heart-wrenching stories of parents who have had to endure that. Thankfully, somehow, Harper has managed to stay put. According to pregnology.com:

"By week 32, your baby weighs nearly 4 pounds! The crown-to-rump length of your baby is approximately 11.7 inches and the total length is about 18.9 inches...This week your baby's movements will peak. You should continue to monitor the fetal movements daily and address any concerns with your caregiver. The wrinkles in your baby's face are disappearing and fat is still being deposited throughout the baby's body...As a preparation for breastfeeding, your baby has learned to root for the breast. The baby will turn its head if touched on the cheek and open its mouth if the bottom lip is tickled. By this time the baby can also suck and swallow in a coordinated way."

She's getting fatter and learning how to swallow, which is very important in case she comes early! I LOVE.LOVE.LOVE. this little baby SO MUCH already. I absolutely CANNOT wait to finally hold her. But these last few weeks are very critical, even if she can survive on the outside. Two more weeks til our next goal. Maybe she'll surprise us all and I'll go full-term!

Mommy and Daddy love you so very much baby girl!

My 31 week belly shot. Unfortunately, yes, those are stretch marks. It's okay if they gross you out. I don't like them either.