A friend of our family's, who is graduating high school this weekend, visited my parent's house last week. M., my mom, and I were sitting in the living room talking about nothing and everything. Then M tells us about a freshman (FRESHMAN!) who is pregnant. Aren't FRESHMEN like 14 years-old?!? I'm pretty sure my friends and I were not having sex or even THINKING about having sex at 14. YIKES.

I look at Harper and while I try to slow down my days, make every moment with her stretch as much as possible, I still think about the future. What will she be like? What sort of things will she be interested in? Will she and I be good friends like my mom and me are? Will I be able to educate her about the right things? Will we be able to instill the right morals and values in her. Will we be able to keep our 14 (16, 18!) year-old from getting pregnant? I know things like this happen more often than we like to think. And if it's going to happen, it will. I hope that I can keep it from happening; I hope that Harper is smarter and in more control over her body than that.

Can't she just be a nerd? And want to read books? And learn everything about everything? And be beautiful? And independent? And have great social skills?

But most of all, can't she just be a nerd and neverevernever want to have sex at 14 (or 16 or 18!).

I don't care if she wants to be a nerd who runs around in a cape all day. I will still love her. (And I would love her if she got pregnant at 14 GOD FORBID.)

A Different Kind of Night

Getting Harper to go to sleep has been a bit of a challenge. So is keeping her asleep. She fights it with every fiber of her being. According to my mom, I was the exact same way. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Harper has been staying awake for longer periods of time which is truly wonderful. During these times she's alert, smiling, cooing, and always observing. This child LOVES to be outside. When the rocking/bouncing doesn't soothe her enough to get her to sleep, going outside usually will. Thank goodness it's fairly warm out! So, after nursing her around 6:30 or 7:00 last night, I got her all bundled up (so much for warm weather today!)...
Mom and I walked longer than normal just to make sure Harper was asleep. And she was for about 45 minutes. Then she was WIDE awake. But last night there was no crying. no wailing. no screams. She was a "normal" baby last night. She stayed up with Wade and I from about 8:30-10 just hanging out. Around ten, she got a little fussy, but cuddled up on me and passed out. UNTIL 9:30 this morning! She only woke up to nurse at 2:30 and then again at 7:30. Unbelievable! I was so impressed and so excited that my baby is finally learning how to calm down. How to just relax and enjoy everything. And when she woke up this morning she was FULL of smiles. If she keeps that up, I don't know how I'll stop my heart from bursting. Seriously.


.

What Could Be Better...

...than having this sweet baby girl give you THIS big grin????


Oh. That's right........NOTHING.

7 Weeks

Sweet Baby Harper,
Today starts your seventh week in this world and in our lives. These truly have been the best weeks of my life. What was my life like before you? I can't remember!

We have had a very sweet, quiet day celebrating this milestone - staying in bed sleeping until 11:00 (thank you for that, by the way!), a nap for you while momma cleaned, banked, and we got some groceries (you slept the entire time!), and when we got home we had an impromptu dance session while we put away the food. You have since fallen quietly asleep in my arms, smiling up a storm (what are you dreaming of, my love, that makes you so happy?). In these moments I don't know how I could possibly love you more. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I hope you will always know that.

Momma and daddy love you more than we can possibly say!

And now for some cuddling on the couch so I can soak up all of you...xoxoxoxoxo

My Happy Grinch Heart

There's a scene in The Grinch where he hears the Whos singing joyfully even after he's snatched up all their gifts and he realizes what the true spirit of Christmas really is. And at that moment his heart grows so much it breaks the gold measuring tool.

That is how my heart felt last night.

After a busy day of getting a bath, lunch with Gramie, and a visit to Aunt D's, Harper was pretty spent. We napped together in the afternoon, visited the grandparents next door where we took a walk and she quickly fell asleep (this little girl LOVES her some nature. It's ridiculously sweet). We got back to our home around 10:30 and I put her in her swing to help her sleep some more. She lasted about 5 minutes in there and I thought to myself, Oh no it's going to be a long night! I picked her up, cradled her on my lap in my arms so she looked like a Buddha Baby and, believe it or not, she was perfectly content. I knew I was pressing my luck, but after a few minutes of sitting like this I decided to lay down on the couch with her on my chest. Slowly I slid down and I started giving her a little baby massage on her back. And she went out like a light. I couldn't believe it! No fuss. No cries. No wimpers.

And my heart grew in that moment.

These are the quiet, sweet memories I hope to cherish forever.This sweet baby girl has stolen my heart.

Catching Up

Six weeks have passed since I gave birth to Harper. These have been THE.BEST. weeks of my life. This whole mommy thing? Yea, I was meant to do this! This is the greatest and most rewarding job I could ever hope to have. This is little baby girl has changed me and my life in so many wonderful and interesting ways. My heart has grown tremendously. It's so true that you never knew you could love someone so much. I thought that I could never love someone as much as I love Wade and I still love him an awful lot, but this is completely different and all-encompassing. I could sit holding and staring at her all day and NEVER get bored. The hours fly by now as it is.
Granted, these past weeks haven't been all butterflies and unicorns. There has been a whole lot of adjustment. She's been having colic episodes at night - usually between 8 and 11 pm. There's not much else to console her besides swaddling, rocking, bouncing, and occasionally her pacifier. She gets frequent belly aches so there are the random crying fits during the day, but those don't last as long. Other than that, she's a very happy baby. She's starting to smile and coo which just completely melts my heart.
Breastfeeding has gone wonderfully. The only problems I've encountered are occasional engorgement and twice she has completely drained me (and was still hungry!) Harper is a complete natural when it comes to latching on. She has been since Day 1, which I am grateful for. I had heard and read so many horror stories when I was pregnant that I was pretty scared out of my mind. But we're still going strong (and exclusively!) after 6 weeks. My goal is six months, but my dream is to make it to a year. Nursing times are some of my favorite times.
Harper did have to spend a week in the NICU after she was born. I delievered her so quickly (about a half hour of pushing - I was in labor in the hospital for 5 hours) that she took a big gulp on the way out and developed pneumonia. The second and third pictures are of her while she was in there.

That Crazy Pregnant Lady

I think daily of the posts I want to publish in this little blog. I can usually get them started in my head, but when I sit down at my laptop to type out my thoughts, they're gone. Usually they're ramblings anyway, but I suppose that doesn't matter. So tonight, I have forced myself to sit down and type out what comes to mind.

I was truly inspired tonight by the most recent post by Sarah (I am inspired by her quite often). The timing of her post was impeccable. I recurrently have the same thoughts and feelings and Harper hasn't been born yet. It is difficult to think of my tiny baby all grown up; mainly because I don't know what she looks like yet. Mostly I wonder how I will feel. I focus on the good and the bad. I wonder not only how my heart will feel when she calls me Mommy for the first time, but also what if she tells me she hates me? How will I handle her going to school (if I'm not able to homeschool her)? Will her looks, tastes, and personality be more like mine or her daddy's? How will I feel when she no longer wants me to hold her? I even worry about how she would do in middle school and high school (which is when I REALLY wonder if she'll take after me, who didn't do anything bad in high school, or her father, who did the complete opposite). I know I shouldn't think about these things because they're far in the future and I can't do anything about them until they happen. Yet my mind wanders there frequently. I also wonder if I'll be a good mom. I've always wanted to be one and until now I've never questioned whether or not I'd be any good. Will I discipline her the right way? Will I set a good example? Will I be able to pass on what knowledge I have when the time calls for it? Will she want come to me for help and advice? Will she look up to me? Will we be friends like my mother and me are? I am scared that we may not have such a good relationship; that she will only think of me as her "mother" and nothing more. I'm not saying I have to be her best friend, but I want to be mommy and her confidante. I want her to be able to come to me about anything and everything without embarrassment, knowing that I will withhold judgment. I hope for so many things for her. I see so many things that are wrong with this world. I am worried about the influences that she will come up against. If things are this bad now (compared to when I was younger), what will they be like in 12, 14, or even 18 years from now? Will I be a good enough parent to inform her of the dangers that loom without scaring her or giving her too much information? I know she must experience life for herself, but there are many things I wish I could shield her from. Will we be able to instill a good set of morals and beliefs in our children to help them become good, helpful, kind, loving, productive people? I try not to worry too much, but do you see where my mind goes?
So now I'm just waiting on her to decide when she wants to officially join this family. We are at 35 weeks today, much longer than we all expected. I have a good feeling about the 16th of this month, but since it seems like Harper already has a mind of her own, she may make me go to 41 or 42 weeks (help me!). I love love love this baby girl so much. I hope she will forever know that!